What do you do when you have to do something, you just don’t know what it is? When there are too many paths to choose from, yet not enough? Any way you go, it’s not the way you want.
The path you’d choose has been closed; a roadblock has been set up so you can’t get past.
Some great advice from another site I visit (thanks Grrreg). Don’t do anything. Find out who I am. Learn what I like, what I need, what is important to me.
We all spend our lives hiding in one way or another. We hide behind our roles as parents. We hide behind our jobs. We hide behind whatever life throws our way. As long as we have these smokescreens to focus on, we don’t have to do the whole introspection thing. What happens when we are no longer able to hide? When the smokescreens are gone and the air is clear? When we have to look at ourselves, our lives, who we’ve become? Maybe the rest of the world has already done that and I'm just running a couple of decades behind.
It’s a daunting task, getting to know the person that has been hiding out in this body for 45 years. What if I don’t like her? What if she has nothing to offer? What if this is all she’ll ever be? What if where she was is better than where she's going?
Fear keeps me where I am. I can’t go back, I can’t move forward. All I can do is stand still and be afraid of what lies ahead.
“….the only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” Franklin D. Roosevelt
I pray that today, tomorrow, whenever He feels I’m ready, that God will unparalyze me and show me how to advance.
8 comments on "...the only thing we have to fear is fear itself..."
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I've always enjoyed your faith, but if I may; I've also never really believed in God... I've found that humans don't think a lot of themselves, especially if they've hit a speedbump in their life, we have this uncanny ability to find that everything in our lives that has ever happened to us is our faults...we seem to think we have control over our lives...and we'd probably go crazy if we didn't so firmly believe that...but I've always found that "God" is really just our inner strength that we don't want to believe we have. Its really all us, at least to me. If that makes sense... I really think of God as the strength we hide from ourselves in order to keep up with the idea that we have control over our lives and that we actually dug our own graves or bulit our own towers. I think its there, in us, all the time. We just have to be willing to face it and use it. Its almost like we have an unvoluntary pity party for ourselves, in order to try and figure out exactly what we did wrong, in hopes of avoiding it in the future of course...but eventually that need either subsides, or we just realize, some things in our lives are just out of our hands...and we find God and open our umbrellas, fly out of there like we needed to all along.
(Now I'm not ragging on God or the fact that you or anyone else believes in him, but that was just my two cents. Anything that gives a person the strength to get through life is certainly an almighty power in itself.)
I've held this same viewpoint (but never could express it as eloquently as you) for most of my life. As I get older and realize there is an end of the road, I kind of feel like I better try and believe just a little, just in case He's there and I've been wrong all along. I do have a hard time comprehending a just and compassionate God who allows his children to hurt and struggle so much. Others say it is our own doing when our life falls apart, when we are abused, when not surviving hold more enticement than surviving.
I say I believe in love, life, and people because I'm so afraid that if I quit professing to believing, the truth will come out. That this is all there is.
I don't know what is happening, but I am not receiving notification of your blogs. I happened to check on you. I am so sorry that I have not been responding to you. That will change!
You hit the nail on the head-pardon the cliche. We all have our facades that we hide behind, but these do not stop us from seeing ourselves either with pleasure or displeasure. We cannot, however, allow fear to stop us from achieving what we most desire. Whether we fail or succeed at least we have tried.
I hope that when you are no longer paralized with the fear of moving foward and are able to do some brave soul-searching, that you gradually discover that you really do like the woman you are at your very core.
What's sad is I kind of like her.....it's the ones that matter most who don't get her.
i would very much like to be proved wrong, die and meet with God face to face. i hope he laughs at me and all my head-strong ideals and theories regarding human nature. that would bring me real peace. a kind of sense of knowing nothingness.
I don't need to meet him face to face. I know he's laughing at me now. I've always said I was a cosmic joke, something to keep God entertained.