Life keeps whizzing by, day after day. I don't feel like I'm living, just watching and waiting. Waiting for what, I don't have a clue.
The divorce is still impending. I'm settling for less than half, which comes as no surprise to anyone, because that's what I do - I settle. I just want it over with. Yet I'm scared to have it be final because then I will be on my own for the first time in my life. Deep down I don't think I can support myself and my children. But there's no other choice. How am I going to support my girls the way they are used to being supported? I can't. Their dad is the "fun" one. No rules, new toys every visit, no baths, no bedtime, etc. How do I compete with that? The oldest daughter will be swinging back and forth while home for the summer. Her dad will let her come and go as she pleases, and probably won't make her get a job. But mean old Mom has rules and can't afford to support her and pay her way through college.
I found out last week I'm going to be a grandmother. The situation isn't ideal - far from it - but I'm excited. Excited and worried. I am close to asking him and her to move in with me and pay rent. Then I can take the house off of the market. I'll know they have a decent place, and I can help with the baby, and they could help me out some. I still have time to think on that one.
I have a son who won't speak to me or acknowledge me in any way. Not even a call on mother's day. He doesn't work and lives with his Dad. Again, I'm the bad guy and Dad's the good guy. It's a shame Dad can't be a father and teach his kids about life.
I need to let Mr. Not Right go so that he can move on with his life. I've been honest with him about my feelings. He declares his love for me and thinks mine will develop over time. We've been seeing each other too long for a casual relationship - at least that's what I've heard and read. I haven't a clue as I've never done the dating thing before.
And then there's the other issue that I'll refrain from in this post.
I really want to run away and start anew. I feel "broke" and don't think I'll ever be fixed or that things will ever be right again.
7 comments on Life keeps whizzing by
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I have been in your shoes, so to speak. I never thought things would be come "right" let alone good again. I have 2 grown children, 1 who is a blame her for this that and the other, never receive so much as a Mothers day card from either of my kids.
I am a grandmother, who has never met her grandkids, my daughters choice. She is angry, has been angry, and still carries all that hurt from our broken family from 30 years ago.
Sometimes we just have to let go, and let God. What does that mean? It means, that God who loves you is willing, if we let Him to take those heavy burdens from our so heavy shoulders, and deal with them, on His terms. Let go, and Let God, means turning your eyes to Him, off of self, and off the crud of the world, and opening your heart to a Father in heaven who loves you so much.
God doesn't promise everything will be roses if you turn to Him, He only promises Salvation for you. He promises that He will help you in your time of need. The catch is, you have to want it bad enough to ask Him to help you.
We have to want to love Him, and in return, for that love, we get salvation, and a healing. A Spiritual heart transplant if you will. A new heart, a new life, and help beyond belief. It only takes faith, a believing healing life cleansing faith.
If you want to know more, message me, we can talk.
I lost everything, according to the worlds standards, my home, my children, my grandchildren, but I have gained so much more.
I turned the lives of my children and their children over to God. Now it is up to them to decide on life or not.
Do I miss them, yes, do I love them? yes. But I cannot live their lives for them. I live, and I am provided for, I have a roof over my head, and a God who loves me more than any one person could.
And, I am free to live according to His plan, and His will.
May you be blessed.
Grasshopper
My suggestion was do not turn to religion like a blind man following another blind man. Instead perhaps its best to simply realise something. That something is quite simple, If he loved you, there would be compromises. There were none, If he cared he would have atleast shown it.
Also, your too old to be effected by this business, Think of the effect your giving to your kids by acting or feeling this way and realise its not worth it. I dont know why you make yourself so defenseless in your post that a person thinks of you as a 16 year old with her first crush, but in reality you must be above 30 or 40.
My advice as I have been in the same situation, considering the "broken" comment ofcourse, That obviously you need to realise. A "broken" relationship, does not necassarily have to be broken glass which you bleed your hands over in fixing, But more as a sand castle. As for the hurt inside, it never truly goes but it never truly is dominant.
Let me elaborate my last point, the hurt NEVER goes. It always remains but atleast it can be healed and fixed to the best of your abilities if it has the person who caused it with you, and knows the right answers to your hurts. Apologies can make a difference, clearing misunderstandings can make a bigger one. But do not expect a relationship which was the same as it was before, It is ever changing, not as a fixed painting but a peice of art that has something added onto it always.
-Crucify
I think a person knows when a relationship is over. I know I did....after 25 years of marriage. I was scared to death, but yet bold as can be, all at the same time. I know it's tough, but you'll be okay. Just hold your head high and aim for the stars.
As for your kids, they really do want and need discipline and rules. Sure, they will love the way dad spoils them, but I do believe that in the long run, you will come out on top. Your kids will know you love them, but more importantly, they will know you care about them....you care enough to set boundaries. My kids have told me several times that they really hated the rules as they were growing up, but that they are also thankful that I cared enough to have them. My kids are now 26 and 28.
Stand strong! You'll be okay as long as you allow yourself to be!
Hugs to ya!
i was married once for fifteen years and ended up divorcing him...getting through the divorce was rough even though i was the one who initiated it...but atleast i had some peace of mind when it was all over...my heart goes out to you because i know it's hell when you're going through it...things do get better eventually...my thoughts are with you!
How did you start over after 25 years? I just can't figure that one out. I don't even know what "starting over" means. Is it being the same person, just spouseless? Is it reinventing yourself? Too much to consider.
Gosh I don't know what to say other than I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm here to listen and help as I can. Please know that you are cared about and loved.
Jenn
Queenie, gee, you've got so much there. There is so much to reckon with and to do as it is, but to have so much anxiety over other things on top of it all seems so unfair. It seems to me that there are way too many people willing to place the blame on someone instead of dealing with a situation in mature, responsible ways. Even when blame is due...heck, for crying out loud, I'm sure you and a lot of people don't turn their backs on somebody or undo somebody's character or authority because of things didn't work out right or for mistakes. If that was the case, all parents would have abandoned all kids and all married people would have abandoned all of their spouses by now!
But, you....yes, you...need to go on inspite of everything else. So, if you feel that there is something that you tend to do wrong, see if there is a way to help you stop or change the way you do that thing(s), either change the way you react or how you answer people or some of your rules or whatever you feel or have gathered as being a negative behavior thing. But, otherwise, just be yourself because it's YOU that you have to and will be living with, it's YOU that has to find a way and move on, it's YOU that has to earn and provide and survive...before anything and everybody else. Otherwise, there won't be anything you can do for or about anything or anybody. So, you've got to worry about YOU, take care of YOU, and concentrate on YOU and whatever YOU need to do.
You can only do what anybody can do, and that is do the best and what is right...and those things come from the gut. You know that rules are more important than a life without rules, so you may want to re-examine your rules and policies and maybe make some compromises (ONLY if you feel that maybe there's too many, or too harsh, or whatever), but do not sell out by letting others dictate what you need to do to get affection or attention.
I'm sure you've tried to reconnect with those who won't speak with you. I'm sure you hoped the father would have played a more positive role in repairing the situation instead of letting it go on. You may feel that you or he are to blame for all of their anger, but other adults must take some responsibility for their behavior, too, not just you. Those that made a decision to stay away from you are responsible for making that decision. Neither parent MADE that decision for them, regardless of the influences.
You need to get past it and move forward, whether that situation remains the same or not. You need to deal with what you are NOW responsible for taking care of because others have the responsibility of doing that with the other people and things. In time, MAYBE your life will allow for you to work on those other things, but that is not what is important now.
I may have been through a lot in my life, some even similar to what you are going through now, but I have never had to deal with a lot that you are dealing with. I would be wrong, therefore, to offer any advice specifically regarding raising children, dealing with ex's who are part of your children's life, working to provide for a family, etc.. But, I can tell you that you must stay focused on the here and now before any other time can be addressed. And, you must focus on YOU and what YOU need to do...before anybody else...and then those you need to be concerned about right now will be taken care of along with you at the same time.