I Can

June 29, 2008 / by queenie

I can pretend

It's what I do

I can pretend

I never loved you

 

 

I can hide

It's what I do

I can hide

From loving you

 

 

I can run

It's what I do

I can run

Far away from you

 

 

I can live

It's what I do

I can live

A life without you

7 comments on I Can

  • faithmairee said 1 months ago
    this is great, queenie...it really moved me because i've been in this predicament...i didn't think i could actually be happy living without him but in time i found that i could..loved the poem!
  • queenie said 1 months ago

    How much time am I facing?   It's all of the unknowns that suck big time!

  • faithmairee said 1 months ago
    there is no denying that the unknowns suck in a major way...the time it takes is different for each person...i knew it wasn't going to be easy at first, mourned the loss of the relationship and then grew into accepting life without him...when i was honest with myself i realized that he wasn't really what i thought he was and that helped me get through it...i tried not to dwell on what might have been and kept myself busy with the life before me...i hope this helps
  • queenie said 1 months ago

    Thanks...a lot of what you are saying, I already know --- I have just chosen to pretend otherwise.  I can't say with certainty that he is the person I think he is.....I'm scared I've created the person I wanted him to be.

    I appreciate your support

  • faithmairee said 1 months ago
    you are welcome...it's hell having to go through what you are experiencing...i was only able to let go of the man i loved (and he was the love of my life) when the pain of seeing the reality of my situation grew to an unbearable degree...i also realized that while he was handsome and very charming (two undeniable traits) i had projected so many other positive traits onto him that simply were not there...i don't know for sure that you have done the same thing with your man but it's a real possibilty...only you know...i did not divorce my husband to be with my man but even when after i was free this man told me he still could not divorce his wife....i knew then that it was simply hopeless and that if i was going to have to live without truly having him i was better off letting him go
  • donnamg said 1 months ago

    This was beautifully written, queenie. You CAN pretend because you know the truth, anyway.  You CAN hide if you need to, but maybe you won't always want to.  You CAN run because you are free to do so, and you don't have to be trapped by your feelings.  And, yes!, you CAN live without him because you did it before, so you can do it again.  You CAN live without him because you have to and you will.  You CAN live without him because why should YOU miss out on the rest of YOUR life while he's certainly living his? 

    You ask how long it will take before everything really starts getting better and "coming together" for you?  Did you ever know how long it would take before such a love or the time of that love was going to happen in your life before?  Yet, without knowing, it did!  You didn't know how long you would have to live with the emptiness of your marriage, but you pushed on anyway.  So, the answer to your question of "how long will it take?" is "nobody knows", but that doesn't mean it's not going to happen.  Hopefully, it will be sooner than later, but why not push on no matter when the time will come?  You did it before, you managed somehow, and look how wonderful it was when it did happen.  It really is like so many other things we say "but, how long?"about throughout our lives...but, things do eventually happen.

    You know, queenie, you really are a wonderful and talented and loving person.  Maybe, just maybe, he wasn't/isn't good enough for you.  It seems you had a lot more to offer and love means a lot more to you.  Look what he's missing out on!  Yeah, he made his choice and you were the one that got hurt, but that's because it really did mean that much to you.  It's his loss.  You lost something that made you really feel good and loved...because of the FEELING, you may have interpreted it as HIM being the equivilent to the all perfect love.  I'm not saying he is a bad guy, an unloving guy, or anything like that.  I'm just saying that you loved what was happening and what you were feeling so much that you don't want to lose THAT...and he represents that to you.  If it's the LOVE you want, then go after IT...because it may not really be him.  Whether it is or not, though, it wouldn't stay that way because he's already shown that.  He doesn't want what you want, so he's already disappointed you and hurt you.  That's not a perfect love.  And, queenie, you do deserve better than that...you should want better than that. 

    (I know this is another very long comment from me and I am sorry about that, but I am not sorry for caring so much and trying to help you through all of this and to feel better about yourself and what life can mean to you.  I just want so bad for you to see that life can be better for what you deserve than what you settle for. )

  • queenie said 1 months ago

    Thanks Donna----words I needed to hear.

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