"Love that remains longest in your heart is the one that is not returned."
Great! This really brightens my day. Here I thought this shredded mess that is my heart would repair itself before long. That all of the memories would fade away. That all of the feelings would magically disappear. That I’d wake up one morning and remember who I was before I believed in someone, had faith in someone, trusted someone.
Now according to whatever philosopher this quote should be attributed to, this searing pain is here to stay for awhile. I can’t even feel the beats of my heart, just the palpable jabs that have taken over.
I need to tell him I hate him. That is the only way to make this go away. Hurt him as much as he has hurt me. But, God didn’t see fit to give me a mean streak – so what to do? Run away? I’d do that in a heartbeat if it was even remotely possible. Hide? Cry? I’m doing those already.
I’ve never asked much from him. But today I did. I needed a friend, but it didn’t work out for him. It only works out when he wants it to.
I’m not a stupid person. How did I get here and how do I get out?
9 comments on How did I get here?
Add a comment
To add comments without entering your email and image verification, you must be logged in. Login or Join Blogster
not every quote can be true...we must believe that we will look back at these times with just faded memories and a thankfulness that we got through it (heart)
Have you tried this? You say you don't have that "mean streak", but you obviously FEEL some meanness and anger, and you are so good at writing! So, PRETEND you are actually talking to him... that he is right there and you are "having your say" while he remains stunned and dumbfounded by the things that are hitting him right between the eyes! Grab some paper and write him a letter...and write it EXACTLY the way you are telling him things to his face. And, don't forget to close that letter EXACTLY the way you would end your little conversation...make your final point! Tell him off! As quick or long as you want to, as explanatory or as briefly put as you want to! Then, when you've finished and you can spin on your heel and leave him with those words, you either IMMEDIATELY mail it to him or burn it! Either way, you told him off, you got it out, and you've ended it by having the last word, letting go of it, and walking away from it. Now, it's not there anymore, so it's over. Sayonara! Adios! Now you've got other things to do, "so leave me alone" and "don't get in my way!"
Thinking of you queenie. The pain won't be over until you are ready to move on. It sucks I know!!! I'm so sorry and I want to know the same thing.... how did I get here? If you find out, let me know!
the last thing you probably want to hear is that it takes time to get over someone but it's true...and the pain does lessen with time...you know the pain you are feeling is proof you are able to love even if that love didn't work out the way you wanted it to...my heart goes out to you bc i know how it hurts...take good care!
Thank you - the pain is proof I can love - I have never thought of it that way. A positive to look forward to.
you are very welcome!