I can recall the exact moment I knew I was divorcing my husband. He had a car wreck. When I got to the scene and saw his car, my heart dropped. Not for him, but because of the passenger seat. It had been partially ripped out of the floorboards and was pushed over to the driver's side. Hubby always let 4 yo ride in passenger seat because she wanted to and he always let his kids do whatever they wanted.
In that instant, I realized staying married for my kids was really endangering them. My daughter would have been killed had she been in the car with him that day. The 20+ year fear I had of being alone was instantly replaced with anger. That son of a bitch would rather watch one of his kids die than to be a man and say no to them when needed.
I made some serious wrong turns on my new path. Hurt people, lost friends, learned about betrayal, but also learned about love. And here I am, still on that same path, thinking if I ever get it all behind me, my life will have some normalcy.
Normalcy? This roller-coaster ride has been going on for so long, I'm wondering if this isn't my "normal." I sometimes wonder if chaos and crises are the only way I can function.
I think I encountered another "exact moment" experience yesterday. Time will tell. May God give me the strength to do what is right and adhere to my new resolve.
(Great thing about this small town. Sirens go off in town whenever there is an emergency. Fire, wreck, etc. I heard the sirens going off as I got the phone call about hubby's wreck, so I knew it was bad. Also heard sirens going off - and the medical helicopter fly overhead when oldest son had his major wreck 4 years ago. The memory of those sounds, the sight of son's car, the ambulances, traffic backed up, is still as fresh as if it were yesterday. God gave me a miracle that day, in allowing my son to survive such a horrific accident relatively unscathed. I need to remember that more often)
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Great post. I often hope for those exact moments. Were there ever moments after that when you began to question yourself and turn back on your decision?
Lots! But not ever for my sake or for love. My doubts have been tied in to my kids, finances, what other people think.
I did turn relapse and ask him to move home for a short period. BIG mistake. I would be just that much further down the road had I not slipped. BUT, that slip-up reinforced (almost from the first day he moved back in) my decision. I knew I had to move forward with my life and live it the way I wanted.
If you step away and look at all of us (me, you, froggy, janetk just to name a few) we doubt ourselves so much, yet we see each other's incredible strength and kind hearts.
Wow.. what an exact moment.. amazing how you can pin point it! Makes me think.... thanks for that.
May that exact moment stay etched in your brain for it gives you a purpose for what you are doing...a purpose that is absolutely not selfish because it is not for yourself only. Along with any such exact moments, may you etch in some happy, positive exact moments so you have reminders of what you are striving for and what you wish to accomplish... let them serve as incentives borrowed from the past to boost your present efforts for all of you goals.