This is absolutely the most asinine thing in the whole wide world. I’m sitting at home, alone, bored, because my married boyfriend doesn’t want me seeing anyone else. I don’t even think he really wants me to go out in public alone. I can’t go to the local wine bar because he thinks I’ll fall sway to someone and get picked up. He is off for a week with his family and I’m supposed to be okay with being alone. He is the most irritating human being on the planet. And also one of the most manipulative. He has a way of making me feel guilty - when I’m the single one and he’s the married one. He doesn’t want me having other relationships, yet he goes home and sleeps with his wife every night. But, they only have sex about once a month - yeah right. And somehow I’m supposed to be okay with this. He is helping me getting stronger though.. One day I will have gone past the point of no return and he’ll be a distant memory. Until then, aaaggghhh!!! To any sane person - or even insane person - who has never been in this situation, I know I sound like an absolute idiot. And you’re right. I am. I suppose I should be flattered that the thought of someone else touching me or me touching someone else makes him insanely jealous. Then we go back to the wife thing. AAAGGGHHH!!! We won’t have any contact for at least a week. Maybe my resolve will kick in. And I’ll dump him - for the 400th time. He has a point about one thing - and one thing only. I need to learn how to do the alone thing. I’m not very good at it. How do you learn that when you’ve never been alone for your entire life? What’s so funny is he was okay with me seeing someone when I first started going out several months ago. Took some of the pressure off of him. Seems I’m too needy. Go figure, You expect to see someone once a week and that makes you needy! So I started seeing someone else, who is a lot of fun. No one I’ll ever fall in love with. But someone to go out with, have fun with, have physical contact with. Now all of a sudden it bothers mm. So, I’m supposed to sit at home alone (maybe I should take up a hobby) Wait for his call (when he’s good and ready and doesn’t have anything else going on) And be content. Did I mention aaaggghhh yet?
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I love you Queenie. I am so glad someone else is doing the same asinine things that I am!!!
There is some comfort in knowing I am not the only person in the world who has lost their mind!
no no no no...don't wait around for anyone...
You're not going through this divorce and all the pain I've read about just to allow someone else to control you. This person would not ask this of you if he were a person worthy of your love. (heartss)
My brain knows that-----its this stupid heart of mine that keeps screwing everything up!
You should wait till he is divorced, make him wait. Not you. You did not make a vow to anyone.
He'll never get divorced. I know this is a total dead-end. Still trying to get the heart and brain to work tegether.
I would resist talking to him at all. If he is still trying to control you and tell you what you can and can not do, but he has his wife and will not leave her, then he really has no right to be a part of your life or to run your life in any way...unless you let him, which seems to be what you are allowing him to do. If you are going to make it on your own and/or make it with someone in your life, then you need to strongly consider making a final break with this guy once and for all. You are putting yourself through much more grief if you keep stepping in the same old chit. Even if you are going to be friends in the future, you need a break from "all of it" for awhile until you are ready for such a friendship.
As far as feeling asinine...hey, we all do asinine things and think asinine things. Knowing it and changing it are two different things, but we still will feel and do asinine things from time to time in our lives. Just try to recognize and change those things as they appear.
Thanks for the comment. I am struggling with the "cut him out of my life" thing at the very moment. We've agreed our relationship needs to end. Now we just need the willpower to make it truly over.
It may have something to do with the evolution of men and women. According to one writer they say that for a woman "attraction isn't a choice". Once attraction is switched on a women will find themselves doing 'crazy' things just to be with that perceived attractive man.
Answers to frustration can frequently be found by asking positive 'How can I' questions. The human mind is very capable and adaptable biological cognitive 'machine'.
We tend to run our lives on the emotions we feel and the rules or beliefs we create. If, for example, you have two bags of water, one of them has a coat hanger inside, you play with these to bags pushing them against each other, and there is a tendency to think nothing of it. This is sort of how we feel about the way plants have sex. How would a conscious plant 'see' human sex?
This is the idea of reframing, seeing something that limits your actions. Then release the emotions associated with your actions by seeking out alternate ways of ‘seeing’ what needs to be done.
Attraction isn't a choice. I need to make better choices in dealing with that emotion and so many more.
Thanks for stopping by Flying Lion.
'I need to make better choices' is effectively creating a demand of yourself that you may not actually be able to see yourself achieving. Watch your mental conversation and check how many 'should', 'must', 'need' words you use. These are demand words that can 'according to what happens' have you feeling bad about yourself or good.
You can relax the demands you make of yourself by changing these words to 'it would be nice' or putting a postscript to a 'demand' sentence like 'but it does not have to happen that way'
For example if you have a mental thought 'I must be loved' the rational objective view is to add 'but it may not happen' or some such to relax and balance the 'demand' you are making.
Accepting yourself for what you really are is a lot harder than it sounds because of the demands you make of yourself do not necessarily accept reality.
In conclusion it would be nice if you could make better choices but that is not always possible.
Wow----thanks. I never considered the weight of the should. need, must words.
Truth be known, I'm expecting something of myself that I honestly don't think I can acheive......but as the saying goes, if you can't make it, fake it.