It's been a roller-coaster week. If I didn't know God had an ulitmate plan for all of this, I think I would just go ahead and quit. The bad news is every area of my life is traumatic at the moment. The good news is every area of my life is traumatic at the moment. When I have so much to focus on, it keeps me from becoming overwhelmed in any one particular area.
My dearest, most trusted confidante thinks I am blaming others for the problems in my life. I have always felt like I took the lion's share of responsiblity. I think he's trying to accept 100% responsibility for the state of his life, and it makes him feel better for accusing me of being 100% responsible for the state of my life.
I know, I know. I have no control over anyone else, only myself. But lifelong patterns are set in early childhood, and I am living proof they can't be changed. I've always been the caretaker, the keeper of the peace, the keeper of the secrets, etc., etc.
He says I'm playing the victim, if not with everyone else, than certainly with myself. He's right. When you have been a victim most of your life, you don't know any other way.
I need to learn to be alone, without being lonely. I've never been alone in my entire life, I haven't a clue how to do it, what to do. I have been lonely my entire life. Somehow I need to realize the difference between the two.
Any advice from blogsterville would be greatly appreciated.
2 comments on Alone
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It is going to be hard but take comfort knowing that you're not alone. Right here in Blogsterville, I am with you and totally relate to how you're feeling. And I know there are many others. One day at a time, one hour at a time if necessary. Start with the little things that make you happy and do more of them.
I am going through a similar situation right now. I am an only child and I too have never been alone. Now with my alone (lonely) moments I try to do things I enjoy and make daily lists that include things I don't normally do. Get the decorations out of the attic (I'm scared of heights), take out the garbage ( something he usually does) They have really helped. It has given me purpose and strength in knowing accomplish things I didn't know I could. Good luck and know that I am here for you too. Also, check out dailyom.com. They have some motivational readings everyday and just had one on never being alone.